It appears I have missed the graveyard scene for the quest and nothing I do will trigger it.

Hjerim's door requires a key and talking to the guards and people do nothing.

Talking to Jorleif about buying the house only makes him say that there's a mess.

creating new question as these other questions are similar, but don't share my exact symptoms. Also, it looks like some of them have started them and broken them (because its so full of bugs)