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It seems there are 2 standings with other civs.
1) I can't trade, all I can do is gift them gold and/or declare war.
2) I can trade, declare war and discuss, but I can't give gold for reputation.
I don't understand the scenario and why I don't always have the options available.
If you have the "Brave New World" expansion then you can only trade gold if you have a "Declaration of Friendship" with that Civ.
http://civilization.wikia.com/wiki/Gold_%28currency%29_%28Civ5%29#Diplomacy_and_Gold
As Michael Campbell said, you can only trade gold if you are friends with that civilization.
You can still trade Gold Per Turn however. This will also give you the "Traded Recently" bonus that you would normally get from just giving gifts of gold.
