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I was approached by a reporter in the Citadel who was asking to join me aboard the Normandy and report what was going on. I don't remember her name, but I think she was wearing a white tank top. On accident (actually the Kinect heard my wife saying "No" to her mother on the phone) I told her that I didn't want her to come aboard and she disappeared.

I got to thinking that she will probably help my cause in the war effort and I would like her to come aboard, but she vanished! Is there anywhere that I can find her and ask her to come aboard?

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    That'd be Diana Allers, based on IGN Jess.
    – Raven Dreamer
    Mar 7 '12 at 21:39
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    ...I never even thought about the trolling possibilities of watching someone play ME3 with Kinect until now. That's awesome.
    – FAE
    Mar 7 '12 at 22:06
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She's Diana Allers.

I tried this out (telling her no) and after she left I was not able to find her anywhere in the Citadel, so it appears that it's not possible to recruit her once you decline her offer (I doubt I'll find her later in the game).

I'd suggest you try to load an earlier save, as having her aboard boosts the other war assets, even though she's only worth 5 (on the other hand, some of her dialogue is annoying, so it's up to you, it's not game breaking one way or the other)

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No. She is a missable war asset but, to be fair, she is only worth 5 points and a romantic interest.

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    Her interviews with you boost the value of other assets.
    – kotekzot
    Mar 8 '12 at 18:15

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