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I've been googling this for a while to find nothing that works. When someone dies, I want a message like "Lmao you suck"

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You can use the deathCount scoreboard criterion. Create a deaths objective:

/scoreboard objectives add deaths deathCount

Then put the following in a repeating, unconditional, always active command block. This show all the players who have died the message "Lmao you suck".

execute as @a[scores={deaths=1..}] run tellraw @s "Lmao you suck"

As "Lmao you suck" is a JSON text component, you can customize the colour and make it bold/italic/underlined/strikethrough/obfuscated (just use a generator like this one).

Put this in a chain, conditional, always active command block that the previous command block is pointing towards to reset the counter:

scoreboard players set @a deaths 0
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